This is in a way a perfect example of unknown knowns. Personal avoidance of something we experience as excruciatingly uncomfortable and thereby create an excruciatingly uncomfortable and immensely complicated situation when the factual reality just can’t be dodged any more..
She’s not really talking about monogamy, rather it’s about intimacy and the games we often get involved in over time which inevitably lead to a lack of intimacy, about forcing ourselves free of the roles we don’t feel content in. And sadly infidelity is one of the last desperate tools we have at hand in trying to create change in a relationship. Whether it is by forcing ourselves to enforce that change, or by forcing our partner to accept the necessity of complying with the changes we need, or by (as a last resource) forcing our surroundings to accept that something is wrong and they need to help us reaching change!
Wouldn’t it be easier to just strive for intimacy, have av activite strategy to discover and continuously brake the patterns of social games and the roles that comes with it. And to have the freaking guts to accept inevitable change without all the drama and bullshit that forces people to take to drastic actions like having affairs..